After two weeks of sulking over the fact that I am, in fact, leaving Germany after spending the last five months in the green goodness of this country.. The countdown is finally concluding and has finally dwindled down to single digit days. In just three short days (it’s midnight in Germany and I am excited), I will be on that dreaded 10 hour flight back to the US with all my stuff packed into cargo.. it made it here, hopefully it makes it home as well!
Obviously, over the last few months I have completely and totally realized the things I miss about the US. I have also realized that I am a spoiled ass rotten American, but, you probably already know that and have gotten over that fact. Tonight (after paying 4 Euros for a bottle of freaking water) I sat down and made a list.
(Okay, bloggy bulllies and Germany live-rs, lay down the hateraid riiiight now. I still love it here.)
Seriously, what is with the fact that they don’t use ice here? I don’t just mean at home where absolutely no one has an automatic ice maker. I mean everywhere. Since living in Germany, not once have I been served a drink with ice. (We won’t even talk about free refills. HA!) I mean, come on, the local club in Dorfen is placed in an old ICE CELLAR, yet no where in this town, or country for that matter serves things with ice. This logic MUST tie into the fact that an automatic car would just be absurd, and so would going on it your pajamas. …ever.
2. FREE WATER
This also ties into number one, but since this was the highlight of my evening, it made the list. FREE WATER. Germany seems to be stuck in the 40′s and think they are deprived. These people are not deprived. Why the HELL did it cost me $5 for a water tonight at dinner?! Please, please why.
3. NOT HAVING TO PAY TO PEE
Here we go with logic again. I guess when you stop to think about economics… or something… it makes total sense to charge people to pee. Everyone has to pee. Thats free money and it’s easier to get than the 19% sales tax. But have you ever been the chick in the train station, about to miss the last train home and you JUST HAD TO PEE so you run all the way to the bathrooms, realize you left your purse with your friend at the platform and don’t have a freakin’ euro coin? And then, you end up running all the way back, out of breath and having to pee ten times worse? Now you have to wait. Because I have, and I think and the guy that made the rule to charge to pee is an asshole.
4. “UNFORTUNATLY, THIS VIDEO IS NOT AVAILABLE IN GERMANY BECAUSE…”
Because why, youtube? Because you’re greedy? Why can’t I enter some kind of password that entiltes me to view the suggest GDMA hidden video, because I AM AMERICAN and I have viewed that video seven thousand times. No, instead, you have to make sure I can’t view it and leave me sulking at myself for moving to Germany. Now, I can’t watch my shows or hear my songs legally. If I go to jail for this, I’m calling youtube for bail, I swear.
5. 3G INTERNET, EVERYWHERE
#firstworldprobs I know. But its true. I am a pro at navigating the public transport/train schedules and routes here.. but there is no better time to lose internet connection than when you are lost in the middle of Austria attempting to act like you know this place because you “live” here. Guess what? You don’t know this place and apparently, neither does Siri.
6. BEING ABLE TO BUY ALL MY GROCERIES IN THE SAME PLACE.
Why doesn’t Walmart exist? Or Target? Stracks? WALGREENS? Seriously, come to the US and on every other street corner there is a Walgreens. And on every other one of those street corners is a CVS. And you mean to tell me, these companies aren’t global (but Pizza Hut is…)? Crazy logic. Your grocery list consists of tampons, chicken, bread, milk, and asprin. Guess what.. you’re going to Rossman, The Butcher, The Bakery, The Pharmacy AND The “Supermarket”… please, there is nothing super about it and logically, it would be completely out of this world to make ONE place with all these things.. wouldn’t it? Oh Germany…
7. SUNDAYS, BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING ON A SUNDAY
Literally anything. Unless, that is you want to stare at a castle or go to a museum. You can do that.. But you better hope you don’t need meds on a Sunday, because guess what?! TOO BAD. Pharmacy is closed and being able to buy asprin in a regular store would immediately turn you into a drug addict, so you can’t get it anywhere else.
But beer, you can always find somewhere selling beer on a Sunday.
8. FINALLY BEATING THE TIME DIFFERENCE.
Here’s the thing. I have bitched on here about seventeen thousand times of my hatred for the time difference. The jetlag was the nice precursor to the loathing relationship I have with her.. Anytime I want to talk to anyone, it’s usually midnight and I have to go to bed because I have to wake up for Sophia in the morning. So you take a gamble. Do you stay up and socialize with the people you call ‘friends,’ or do I let the time difference win and proceed to lose them all one by one while they stalk your facebook and continue to message you at the best of times everyday? You stay up, you stay tired. Yeah well guess what, I’m three days from home and I going to talk all your ears off at 8pm. Becuase for the first time in the last five months, it’s not 3am and I am not sleeping. FUCK YOU, 7 HOURS.
Here’s the thing. I’m not picky. There isn’t many foods that I don’t like. But the food here? The talked up German food that was “so so good.” NO. It’s not. Because just like sex, once you have tried one sausage, you have tried all sausages.
Chickens are everywhere, yet they never eat them. Whats the POINT?!
Milk. Germans walk everywhere and eat super healthy. Not all of them even own cars and they use their own feet and public transport to get where they need to go. Perfect bodies? NO. Why? Because they milk is 50% fat. I’m kidding. It’s not. But I am so used to and only like 0% milk, that this 3% stuff has gotta go. I can’t wait for an ice cold glass of milk. Or an ice cold glass of anything, for that matter.
Peanut Butter. Chocolate covered anything. Wheat Grainy Bread. Ranch Dressing. Hot Cheetos. Cocoa Wheats. Life Savers and Jolly Ranchers. Why doesn’t this exist?
PS. The bread sucks.
10. Country Music.
Believe it or not, the music here is 80% the same stuff we hear at home. I knew the words the “Thrift Shop” just as quick as everyone back home because it was outplayed in a matter of three days.. (Something never change) But, seriously Germany… do you have any idea what good Country music is? When I said that Germans were not deprived, I lied. They are completely deprived of Luke Brian, and for that, I feel so much sympathy!
I know, I know. They’re crazy about soccer and skiing. Okay, but lets pretend there is a world outside of soccer for a minute. How can you be a sports fan and not have helmet bashing football? And, please don’t even get my started on the sheer deprivation of Indy Car, Drag, and NASCAR Racing. Poor, poor souls…
AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GO DANICA PATRICK.
I’m just going to be honest here and tell you a Hanley without makeup and a hair straightener can be quite a scary site. But guess what? For the last five months I have done this 90% of the time? Why? Because I would look like a clown if not. These women are naturally beautiful and don’t wear makeup. Ever. Getting dressed up to go out usually consits of using some GASP! …mascara. I’m good at makeup. I’m ready to feel like society can even stand the site again. haha
Yoga pants. Germans don’t go anywhere without being fully presentable. Yeah, well what I have to say to that is I’m a rebel. I wear freakin’ yoga pants and a tank everrrryday. So kill me with your staring, Germans. (<– oh dear god.. the staring!)
Don’t get me wrong, Europeans have style. They’re always dressed in tip top shape and H&M Rocks.. but I’m not a fan of paying 30 Euros for a freakin’ hat. Or 200 for some Blue jeans. Yes, I know you can get them few and far between for much cheaper. But when push comes to shove, clothes are ten times more expensive here.
Where are the dollar stores? “I just need some crappy mascara because I forgot mine.” Yeah, how about you just go pay 13 Euros for the Maybelline, because dollar stores are about as common as finding Ranch Dressing. And well, good luck.
Craigslist. Drive through Starbucks. Target. Jimmy Johns delivery. Huge shopping malls. Why, why why do they not exist.
Chili’s. American Eagle. Rumchata. Jimmy Johns #2. Ranch dressing. Medium Rare steaks. Real french fries. Toby Keith. Luke Brian. English everything. Jason Aldean. Cats as pets. Dogs not allowed in resturaunts. Life Savers. Iced Coffee. Good green tea. Not running to miss the train. My own automatic car. Good money. Good looking men (because that stereo type is complete BS. American men have got it in the bag.) Fucking SANE drivers. Leaving my bedroom door open. Running around in my underwear. Not wearing a bra. Sleeping until 3pm because I feel like it. Laughing in Diamond Jims. Vegas Bombs. My cats Walking on Lake Michigan. Easy street traffic signs. Police officers and medical professionals (because in Germany, you’re basically on your own if you end up say…..burned. Who does that in a foreign country? …..oh). Good medical care. Tylonol. Treseamae Conditioner. Chicago. My friends. My family. and dear god, FREE WATER.
My everything and my home. I just can’t wait. I probably won’t have time to post before I leave, because wrapping up this life is getting busy. So, for now.. see you on the other side! (eeeeeeeeeeeeeek! :D)
(okay, you haters. I know you are mad, but as I stated a few posts back, this is the way I see it, I’m spoiled and I’m PMSing and this is the way I feel. Yes, I will miss Germany, Snake Bite Beers and Croissants. So suck it)